He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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