His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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