NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
