i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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