somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we're making bets on your personal life
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We smell like vodka and hangover
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