6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
