The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
