so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
