Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize