How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
