Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
