Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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