I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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