ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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