So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
