Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
