How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
