I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
