I hate your face
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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