we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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