A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
