I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
