I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
