I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
