apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
