God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
