that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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