I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am available for nakedness
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