TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
