He uses pillows to masturbate.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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