we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize