It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
