i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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