True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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