girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
