At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
