and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
