In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
