SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
