actually, I'm a sock model
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
