in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize