when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize