i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
