I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
