Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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