Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
