His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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