I want you more than these girls want KFC
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
