why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
