You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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