Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
