I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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