dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize