i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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