So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
