I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
