Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize