I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Don't make out with my wife yet
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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