Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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