Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize