My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
