he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
