Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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