I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
