last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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