Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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