It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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