did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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