thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
