So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
