I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Are we still banned from the library?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
