So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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