everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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