uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
