Kiss
Puke
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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