I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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